Grief at Christmas!

Any bereavement seems more difficult at Christmas time, the person you love, no longer there with you, is remembered all the more. The little family traditions you shared with them have to change and morph into something new.

There is lots of advice out there:

https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/managing-grief/christmas/

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/talkabout/articles/the-practical-side-of-getting-through-your-first-christmas-without-a-loved-one/285497

https://www.sueryder.org/grief-support/supporting-someone-bereaved/christmas/

Other ways to plough through the Christmas period:

• Find 'your people'; those who are bereaved in the same way as you and share how you feel

• Spend time with the friends of your loved one

• Devise a new Christmas routine

• Take part in an activity or craft

• Engage in some light-hearted fun

  
  

I tried all of these things this year;

Finding my people:

Spent the evening with a local bereaved mum's group, sharing our feelings about Christmas. The difficulty of living with the pain inside, which is a constant. People think, with our smiley face plastered on, it means we are 'OK'. I made all the mums in the group a gift to hang on their tree.

Personalised gifts to remember our children.

Time with my daughter's friends:

I still felt sad but the distraction was fun, I made my daughter's friends a dinner one evening leading up to Christmas. We played games, talked a little about her and had a team cry. It was a beautiful evening but we all missed her joining in.

Christmas dinner with some of Emily's girlfriends

New Christmas routine

For us, there was no usual getting up early, no presents on the bed, no walking the dogs together, everything has changed. Instead, we had a Christmas breakfast, opened our stockings and went to friend's for dinner and games. The new Christmas routine meant there wasn't a gap at the table or an empty stocking on the bed. We lit candles for all our loved ones no longer on this plain, toasted with champagne and shared our new Christmas with friends.

I cannot say any of it was easy, it's taken four years, but you find yourself living with the pain, rubbing along with it inside you. It's a burden that, at first seems impossibly heavy to carry but, over time, practice makes it easier.

Our friend's beautiful Christmas table

Our new Christmas cheese and wine evening

Shrine of whimsies

Create something for Christmas or take part in an activity

This year I organised two Christmas Wreath making workshops. There was an eclectic mix of results but everyone apparently enjoyed the experience.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/555ab9_6b878b3c71ef41d8aabdb5ef224b9989/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

Christmas wreath making workshop

Do something funny

The Naughty Elf came to our house this year, (even though we have no kids at home) he was found in the fridge trying to drink beer, tangled in a phone charger and he even had the cheek to eat one of my cherry chocolate liqueurs!

He was so naughty this Christmas!